Did I Love Him?
by Utena Himemiya
Summary: ONE SHOT. FIRST FANFIC. ShikaIno. I didn’t love him. Nope, not in the slightest. That’s all there is to it. He’s lazy and apathetic. I told him that I couldn’t stand him, and that he annoyed me.


**Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me.**

**Warnings: ShikaIno Lemony goodness. Yes, that's right, boinkage. There is also angst.**

**A/N: Hi! I haven't written anything in a long time. Since I really love this series, I thought that I would write something for it, so this is my first fanfic in Naruto. I usually write for the Revolutionary Girl Utena series, but I wanted to write something different for a change.**

**So here you go! **

**Based on reviews I may write another one for this series.**

**Did I Love Him?**

**By: Utena Himemiya**

The warm rays of the sun beat down on me, soothing my aching muscles.

**Shikamaru…**

But he's gone now. I should feel something, but I don't. You would think that his death would have broken something within me, but here I am, under the warm rays of the sun and all I can feel is cold. That's not his fault, in the end it's no ones. Not his. Not Sasuke's. Not Sakura's. Not mine. It just is the way it is.

The shade of the tree is now slowly beginning to cover my body. Things were pretty much normal now a days. Normal? Did that word ever apply to me? Perhaps once. But not now, I'm a kunoichi. I'm tough and cold.

So why am I so lost now? He left before; I didn't care half this much. Why now? Is it because now I know he's not coming back? Why are his sentences running through my head? Why do I hope that if I turn my head I'll get a glimpse of that apathetic expression? Hope. That's such a stupid word. It leaves a foul taste in my mouth.

I'm babbling. No…I don't babble. It isn't who I am.

But who am I? Even after he's dead, he makes me doubt.

**But is it really him that brings up these questions? Or is it being near him? No, I will not go down that path.**

When did it get so cold out here? The grass almost feels frigid beneath me. Once I stand, I let out a shiver into the cold air. This spot always had a wonderful view of the academy. It was in this academy that I was put on a team with Shikamaru for the first time. Funny how I remember that so clearly. I move myself back into the sun, lying on my side and clutching at the blades of green beneath me. Ino, this isn't a good sign. But I don't care…He's gone. I didn't love him. I really didn't. If I had I wouldn't have called him lazy and told him to screw off so many times, now would I? So there, I really didn't care about him. All I cared about was Sasuke.

What is this? I wonder why I feel something behind my orbs, like I was about to cry. I'm not crying. I can't be. I didn't love him. I couldn't have.

Alight breeze caressed my face. The soft wind felt nice. I closed my eyes, letting it ruffle my long blonde hair and toy with it gently. It's very warm now, almost hot and very much like his embrace that day…But I told him to get away from me and stop playing around.

There is a strange pressure on my chest. Is it Akamaru? But I haven't seen Kiba's team in weeks. Akamaru's a cute dog; it felt nice when he nuzzled my neck…Which makes me wonder what it would be like if I felt him nuzzle my neck…No. I don't love him.

The wind is more persistent now. It almost feels like someone is running their fingers through my hair. I could swear that I hear his voice. I didn't love him. So why is he haunting me like this? I couldn't have loved him. I couldn't have been tht special to him. I couldn't have lost him like that.

**Ino.**

His voice is traveling through the winds. I hear it so often now. He hasn't been dead for more then a week. I'm not cold anymore. But I am. I'm supposed to be. Damn it, Shikamaru! You always do this! I was fine before I met you. And I'll remain fine after you're gone.

**You were, huh?**

The wind seems to ask me. At least in real life, it had been in his eyes. His eyes…They always held some emotion to them when he looked at me. When he walked into the room, he outshone everyone. What if I did love him? Why not? He…He was everything I could have been and so much more. He was me, and my past. I didn't love him. Nope, not in the slightest. That's all there is to it. He's lazy and apathetic. I told him that I couldn't stand him, and that he annoyed me. I also told him not to say derogatory things about Sasuke. He died knowing that I didn't love him, and that's all she wrote.

**Ino…**

"Shikamaru?" The clouds look like him. How?

**Ino, please…**

"Shikamaru?"

**I wanted to say…**

"Damn it! Who the hell do you think you are? You left, Shikamaru. Damn you. You left me here with all of these questions! I don't want them, Shikamaru! Take them back right now! Take them to your grave! I don't want them anymore!" I know that I'm crying, and I shouldn't be. How careless of me to not honor the shinobi honor code! It's his fault. How dare he start coming back to life and try and give me a false security. Looks like a lot of rules are being over looked tonight.

**I apologize, okay.**

"You'd better."

**I can't stay, Ino.**

"So what? You're just going to step back into my life and screw everything up, then walk back out again? You apathetic bastard!"

**This isn't life, this is existing. That's all.**

"Damn you! How dare you judge me, Shikamaru! You don't have any right-"

**Yes I do. Look, I love you, all right. That gives me a right. Ino, if only for this day could you do me this honor?**

"So what? You just want me to roll over on my back and give in to you?" He winced and I feel as if I regained my power over him, even though on the inside I feel alone and cold.

**I wish you wouldn't say that.**

"Say what?"

**I didn't even mean it like that, Ino. Too bad I'm not Sasuke, right?**

I couldn't say anything to that. It was too painful.

**Ino…**

"Shikamaru…I-I can't." I hate the way my voice faltered on me, but what else should I have done? Is it so much to ask that I can at least talk without losing control? Of course not.

**Why is it that you can't get the point? You're always too stubborn to realize that Sasuke overshadows things that are more important. You never see the details in the picture, you just look at is as a whole. That's why you can't understand that I love you.**

"Hey don't bring Sasuke-Shikamaru, what are you doing?"

**Just trust me for one.**

I would fight, but I'm so tired of everything. I just want him to hold me, and care for me.

He feels so real. I let him hug me and kiss me. I kiss him back. His lips are soft and engaging. This doesn't mean I love him. I don't- he strokes my hair softly and pushed into my body. I reached up and wrapped my arms about his neck, pulling him closer to me. He tightens his grip around me. Panting, I push him away. He smiles his trademark smile and sits beside of me on the ground.

Slowly he began to shed his clothes. I blushed. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks and other places. His blush matches my own when he sees the expression upon my face.

He was…impressive. I shouldn't be thinking this. I love Sasuke. But then again…

**What are you staring at, Ino? **

I stiffen instantly. Is he…tempting me? Yamanako Ino? He is teasing me?

"I've seen worse." He raises an eyebrow, not quite knowing what to think. I should have known better then to lie to him. I did it again! What's wrong with me?

**Are you ready?**

Am I? No. But that's not going to stop me.

"Of course I am."

**You're such a liar. **

He crawls over to me. When he pauses, he inclines his head, as though listening to the wind. I see a flash of sorrow run across his features. He then smiles, seeming to shake the though. Wrapping me into his embrace, he kisses up the side of my neck, reaching my mouth. His tongue parts my lips, but he is gentle and gives me every opportunity to pull away if it were to be a wrong touch. Slowly, he drew back from my mouth and gazed down at me. With a tender touch, he rested his hand on the side of my face. His hand roamed lower, until it stopped at my shirt, where he disrobed me gently and slowly.

I closed my eyes at the kind touch, until his hand rested tenderly upon my breast, causing me to snap back into reality, looking into his dark eyes. As his feather light touches massaged, I gasped in pleasure.

"Shikamaru."

**Don't be stupid Ino. You know I wouldn't hurt you. **His voice was soft and he looked so beautiful staring down at me. His strong arms supported him as his body rolled and arched into mine. One of his hands caressed my shoulder and the other was balled into a fist, the grass below was twisted in his hand. He smiled again. I don't ever remember him smiling or blushing this much.

I could feel him slide down my body a few inches, dark eyes then looked back up at me. I give him that, and let out a small moan. His moist tongue toying with my chest as he pressed his hips into my body. I can hear him moan as he ran his tongue against my breast.

"Shikamaru."

**Always impatient. Can't you just enjoy it for once? **He grumbled playfully as a devilish grin appeared on his face. A soft noise escapes my mouth as I saw the look on his face. I was gasping for breath as I could feel his hips shift against my own. These mixes of sensations were jamming my senses.

He nipped at my neck gently, giving me a few love bites he ran his hand down my side sensually, to have it rest on my hip. His tongue then ran from my neck to the side of my face, were he nuzzled the side of my face. I gasped and clutched at his shoulders to keep from writhing beneath him. He then gazed into my eyes and I saw a glimmer to their earthy depths.

**Ready?**

I nodded as I could feel the sharp pain of his entrance. I know if I let out a cry he'll pull away and I can't stand the thought. I arch my back and let out the smallest of whines. Slowly he pushes farther and deeper into my being, filling me where I had been empty. I screamed, arching my hips to his thrusts as I lost myself for one moment in the bliss of existing. I feel him release deep within me, then collapse a top of me, panting.

**I love you Ino, and I always will. **

He brushed his lips against mine. I cradled him in my arms as I fell asleep.

There was a crash of lightening that brought me out of my slumber as I snapped up from the grassy area. I looked around, hoping to see my lover next to me, but there was no one here, except for me. Swallowing the frantic feeling inside, tears began to well up in my eyes as I realized that it was just a dream.

I'm a fool. I was alone and nothing really changed. Through tear clouded eyes, I could see Naruto's team in the distance. They had just returned from a mission and were talking up a storm. I sighed to myself as I looked down at the grass.

"I did love him, didn't I?" I replied sadly, it sounded more bitter and choked. Yet, as my hand slipped a few feet back, I could feel something cloth and metal touch my finger tips. I looked back to see a blue Konoha hitai-ate, folded in the way he used to wear his…

**THE END**

**A/N: Yes, they are MUCH older in this fanfic and yes, Ino was dreaming. Hope that answered any questions, lol. Please comment, this is my first Naruto work and I'd really like to see how I did. I hope that was in character. **

**This is my favorite pairing, so I hope I did them justice.**


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